Top 10 Porn Movies of the 70s and 80s

The golden age of porn was in the 1970s and 1980s. Back when porn was chic in the 70s, filmmakers actually tried to make artistic adult features. Actually having your movie rated X was not a death sentence – you’d still be able to find theaters that would show it (though you’d never see us there – thanks, video!) By the time the 80s were out, video was king, the moral majority had risen, and high budget adult films were done.

What’s cool about classic porn is that you had everything looking cinematic, since they were mostly shot on 35mm film. You also had lots of good looking babes alongside lots of ugly people (and nobody shaved). But they all liked what they did (or they seemed to, anyway). What was important, though, was that they looked like regular people, the kind of people you see everyday, which adds a kind of authenticity to it. For example, a woman having sex with Ron Jeremy is cool, because you know that if she’ll do Ron Jeremy, she’ll do you.

So, armed with this bit of history, let’s take a look at:

Talk Dirty to Me (1980)

A horny womanizer and dirty-talker (John Leslie) , brags to his somewhat dimwitted friend (Richard Pacheco) that he can seduce any woman he wants to. To prove it, he sets his sights on a beautiful blonde that they have both recently met (played by Jessie St. James, in amazing shape). The premise takes the teenage sex comedy (horny teens trying to get laid) and replaces the teens with two assholes, but there are some good scenes involving popular 70s and 80s porn starlets, including Juliet Anderson (AKA the legendary “Aunt Peg”), and Holly McCall. Even Dorothy LeMay shows up.

Behind the Green Door (1972)

Two guys enter a diner. The owner of the joint asks if the guys heard about the Italian hijacker who ordered $2 and 5,000 parachutes (good one). Then he asks about the story about the Green Door. One guys says “you warm up my coffee and then I’ll tell you the story.” So the first time we meet the Marilyn Chambers character the camera is focused on these two guys having a boring conversation. She sits down at a table behind them and the camera man acts like we would if we were there, pretending to listen to this idiot ramble on but stealing glimpses of Marilyn whenever possible. The very next scene sees her kidnapped and taken to some kind of secret live-sex show, where a bunch of women and a few dudes make love to her on stage. We’re supposed to believe that a kidnapped girl will participate in an orgy as long as a kind woman gives her a nice body massage beforehand. A big African-American dude comes out to have his way with her and then the audience starts an orgy. There’s an obese woman who gets into it, too. Followed by a money shot in extreme slo-mo. This flick is shot in a very minimalist style; the grainy print (and minimal dialogue – Chambers doesn’t say a word) makes it more surreal – it seems more like an experimental film than anything else. Welcome to porno chic.

Deep Throat (1972)

Filmed in Ft. Lauderdale and Miami, Deep Throat is the first film of the early 70s Porn Chic “trifecta”, which also includes Behind the Green Door and Devil in Miss Jones. Deep Throat stars Linda Lovelace, who has a peculiar problem – her clitoris is located in her throat! That’s why she can only orgasm while giving blow-jobs. And no, the title of this movie has nothing to do with W. Mark Felt, Nixon, or Watergate. Watch for Harry Reems as Linda’s “Doctor.” Hilarious soundtrack – most of the sex scenes are acompanied by “bubbles” sound effects over a fuzz-guitar with a guy singin “Who’s been blowin bubbles? Makin me feel light? Who’s the girl I’ll be with everyday and every night? Bubbles… great big magic bubbles!”

Directed by Gerard Damiano, who also did The Devil in Miss Jones. He’s also in the flick – he plays a gay guy, or something. Bonus goes to Linda’s friend, played by Dolly Sharp, who asks “Mind if I smoke, while you’re eating?” Also this classic bit:

Dr. Young: Having a clitoris in your throat is better than having no clitoris at all.
Linda: That’s easy for you to say. What if your balls were in your ear?
Dr. Young: Well, I suppose I could hear myself coming!

Carol Connors makes an appearance as the super-hot nurse. Oh yeah – the Coca-Cola scene… LOL, WTF?

Debbie Does Dallas (1978)

No list of top 10 porn movies of the 70s and 80s is complete without including this famous (infamous?) adult film featuring ditzy cheerleader Debbie (Bambi Woods) who makes it to the pros – she gets to be a cheerleader for the Dallas Cowboys (never mentioned by name, of course – merely referred to as the ambiguous “Texas”). The only problem is that Debbie doesn’t have enough money to get there, so she has to get a job. Her cheerleader friends also want to go to Texas and give her moral support, so they need odd jobs as well. Debbie works in a department store for “Mr. Greenfield”, another works in a candle shop run by Mr. and Mrs. “Hardwick”, another in a record store, tennis club, etc, etc. One day Mr. Greenfeld offers Debbie $10 to see her breasts, another $10 to touch them, and finally another $10 to suck on them. Soon, Debbie and the girls figure out that turning tricks will bring in more cash. After a bunch of sex scenes involving girl showers, candles-used-as-dildos, car washes, and saunas, Debbie finally fucks Mr. Greenfield while wearing a Dallas Cowboys uniform, which of course got the producers sued. Goofy movie with a goofy lead – check out the vacant look in Bambi’s eyes – but it’s lightweight and has a groovy soundtrack (you probably already know the infamous Debbie Does Dallas theme). In the end, kind of a triumph of marketing over content, since Debbie doesn’t even technically “do” Dallas, as the film is basically her trying to get to Dallas. By the way, Dallas has over a million people, so they could conceivably make “Debbie” movies forever, unless she’s really good at multiple-gang-bangs.

The Opening of Misty Beethoven (1976)

A couple (Jamie Gillis, Jacqueline Beudant) take a working class prostitute (Constance Money) off the streets in Paris and transform her into a high-price call girl. Pretty much a comedy, featuring funny bits like an airline service which includes blow-jobs alongside the alcoholic drinks. Has a groovy, jet-setting soundtrack and a surprising amount of sophisticated dialogue for a porn film. Some of the airplane comedy bits are great: (“First class sex non-smoking adult film… vegetarian, kosher, or regular meals? Are you a fucker or mostly just interested in a little head?” / “One dinner, a brandy, 2 blow-jobs, and a head-set”)

There’s also the classic joke:

Dolores ‘Misty’ Beethoven: What’s the biggest difference between New York and Rome?
Dr. Seymour Love: There aren’t as many Italians in Rome.

The flick is basically a porn-version of Pygmalion (My Fair Lady), with Jamie Gillis doing the Henry Higgins chracter and Constance Money playing the Eliza Doolittle role. Yes, friends, you have never experienced George Bernard Shaw unless you’ve experienced it as a mainstream porno sex-comedy. Watch for the cool scenic locations (NYC, Rome, Paris).

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